Get all 10 Sam Mulligan releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Collection 2013-2022, When The Night Comes (Soundtrack), Snowball Season (Deluxe Single), Zombie Cats (Deluxe Single), Pizza Every Day (Deluxe Single), If We Were Kitties (acoustic), Sam Mulligan And The Donut Slayers, Shark Party, and 2 more.
1. |
Shark Party
02:42
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The Great White's got a cool pad at the back of the reef
The Tiger sharks have been asking me for some Grade A seaweed
The Hammerhead skipped school,
The Nurse shark called in sick
The blue shark's acting sooo cool
But he won't tell me where it is, oh no
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god
I've been scuba diving 'round this reef for what seems an eternity
My feelings will be really hurt if it turns out they just didn't invite me
They're ignoring the seals, they're not eating the fishes
This is all extremely suspicious
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
So I find the party, there's a couple Bull sharks bouncin' at the front
and I'm like, "I gotta get in, what do you want me to do, beg?"
and he said, "Naw, it's just gonna cost ya an arm and a leg."
Oh nooo
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
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2. |
Time Warp
03:25
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1984, we were on our way
What I was looking for, well, I cannot say
I'm not withholding, I just don't know
But it doesn't matter 'cause we ended up in limbo
Stuck in a time warp
It's alright, have no fear
It's kinda dark, the scenery is stark
But I still got a good feeling we'll get out of here
Now it's been a week, I'm thirsty and tired
No wood, no matter, we can't ever start a fire in space
Now it's cold, but we're not old
'Cause in the time warp mortals do not age
Stuck in a time warp
It's alright, have no fear
It's really dark, we can't see any stars
But I still got a good feeling we'll get out of here
Must have been some type of miscommunication
Send a mayday signal back to home station
They can save us so don't give up hope
See, look! They got back to us right away, home base, whatchoo got to say?
J-446, this is home base. Thank you for your inquiry.
I regret to inform you that the system has run through all possible scenarios and the best course of action is to abandon all hope and prepare for death. Thank you, and have a nice day.
It's time to die
So close your eyes
Put your head
Between your thighs
And kiss them buns goodbye
Stuck in a time warp
Stuck in a time waaaaaaaaaaa
Stuck in a time warp
Write a goodbye note, the end is near
I think by now we've all realized
Everybody dies here
HOO-UH!
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3. |
Donut Slayer
04:16
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Traveling the lands far and wide
The arctic North, the hot hot South
In search of circular pastries
To murder with my mouth
Oh yes, I've taken lives
Armed with naught but teeth and hands
When donuts see me comin'
They piss their donut pants
I am a donut slayer
Venture into my lair
You will shudder when you discover
One thousand souls of donut holes
I am a donut slayer
I catch the scent in the air
Seconds pass, you will not find
A single crumb left behind
Boston cream, lemon-filled, honey-dipped glaze
No donut is safe from my murderous gaze
The ones I see are all for me
And they'll have surely seen better days
Straight into my gaping maw
Never to be seen again
By way of monstrous jaws
All shall meet a violent end
I am a donut slayer
Venture into my lair
You will shudder when you discover
One thousand souls of donut holes
I am a donut slayer
I catch a scent in the air
Seconds pass, you will not find
A single crumb left behind
I don't care if it's raised or cake
I'll skip it's funeral and forget the wake
Honor thy life, cherish thy death
Make haste, lay waste to
Dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens
Eviscerating
Masticating
Time is wasting, no time for tasting
I take a dozen and I cram 'em down my gullet
Cuz you know I'm all business like the front of a mullet
Jelly stains are all that remains
Jelly stains are all that remains
I am a donut slayer
Venture into my lair
You will shudder when you discover
One thousand souls of donut holes
I am a donut slayer
I catch a scent in the air
Seconds pass, you will not find
A single crumb left behind
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4. |
Eel-Mart
00:27
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Come on down to Eel-Mart
All we got is eels!
We got the best prices
These eel deals are real steals!
Slippery and slimy, try and tie 'em in a bow
You can chill 'em, grill 'em, fry 'em up, enjoy 'em au naturalé!
So come on down to Eel-Mart
What else is there to say?
Get your butt to Eel-Mart
Don't ya dare delay!
Grab some eels today!
From Eel-Mart!
Eel-Mart!
Eel-Mart!
Eel-Mart.
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5. |
It's A Terrace
00:53
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Turkey, avocado
Don't forget tomato
It's a Terrace!
Garlic mayo, cheddar cheese
Some red onion, please!
It's a Terrace!
Flat to fluffy
A generous portion of greens
Is it better hot or cold?
I don't know!
Would you like that for here or to go?
Gotta read the whole ticket so you don't screw it up
Live in the present!
Somethings not quite right... it's just a pile of stuff
It's "As A Salad"!
I'm sorry bread, I almost focaccia...
Garlic mayo solo!
It's a Terrace!
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6. |
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7. |
Secret
01:21
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I've got a secret
It's something you'd never expect
to hear from me
We've been friends such a long time
But I've got a secret
And I feel like it's time to let you know
Just promise that you're not gonna hate me
Whoa
Are you gonna tell me what it is?
That smell in your car
That's been there for months
That smell in your car
It's you.
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8. |
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I've got my ninja sword
I'm gonna be a samurai
Someday you'll say, "He's so cool!"
Been practicing my slash
Now you'll give me all of your cash
Because I told you so
And when the day finally arrives
That I can say I'm a samurai
I'll also say, "I told you so"
I've got my ninja sword
I'm gonna be a samurai
Someday you'll say, "You killed my father"
Well BOO HOO
And when the day finally arrives
That I can say I'm a samurai
I'll also say, "I told you so"
And to all the enemy samurai warriors
I've got a little message for you
I'm gonna do what James Hetfield told me to do
Back in '82
Actually it might have been 1984 but I don't know
And I don't care
I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all
I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all
Cuz I want blood and guts and tendons in my teeth
I'm gonna turn their entrails into a holiday wreath
I'll be hackin' and slashin', I'll cut 'em into bits
I'm gonna kill them all until they die from it
Actually on second thought, I'm a pacifist
Don't wanna hurt nobody
So I'll just follow the sage advice of Lil Jon, here it is
"Don't start no shh, won't be no shh
Don't start no shh won't be no shh
Don't start no shh won't be no shh
Don't start no shh won't be no shh, yeah"
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9. |
If We Were Kitties
03:25
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If we were little foxes
Would you come over my den?
If we were piggies
Would you play with me in my pen?
If we were anteaters
I'd let you eat all of my ants
If we were little old people
I'd help you put on your pants
And if we were racehorses
I'd always let you win
If we were kitties
I'd give up one of my lives so you'd have ten
If we were kitties
I'd do that for you
If we were kitties
Yeah
And if we were puppies and you got hurt
I'd be there to lick your cuts
If we were fireflies
Our love would light up our butts
If we were kitties
I'd give up one of my lives so you'd have ten
If we were kitties
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10. |
I'm An Idiot (2022 mix)
01:26
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I saw you the other day
Running in the park
I pulled up to say Hi!
And heard a muffled bark
I'm sorry I ruined your jog
When I ran over your dog
And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!"
I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it
'Cause I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
I thought I'd try to make it up to you
I bought you a puppy, well... I found him at the zoo
But it was a dingo straight from the wild
And I guess it might have eaten your child
And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!"
I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it
'Cause I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
And now here I am at your door, and also at your mercy
And I've just got one thing to give to you and it's this apology note that I wrote
I'll read it to you right now, it says,
"Baby, I'm sorry, but I've got a good excuse"
I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
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11. |
The Coolest Story Bro
01:35
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They said my story was cool, and they called me "Bro"!
The sarcasm was lost on me though
So I shrugged it off as just a harmless trololo
BUT feels bad man, now I know that feel bro
I'm not too good at guitar solos
But what the heck, YOLO!
*bad guitar solo*
Nailed it!
I'm sure by now you're wondering where the story will go
I just wanna know, who was phone?
Just tell me!
Cool story bro!
Cool story bro!
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12. |
I AM ZOMBIE
01:54
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Are you a lover?
NO, I FIGHT
Are you friendly?
NO, I BITE
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
He's not that bad...
I AM EVIL
What are you doing?!
EATING PEOPLE
I'M A ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
He's hungry for the brains in your head
You better check yourself before you wreck yourself
He's back from the dead!
How'd you find me?
I HAVE MAP
My mom will miss me!
I DON'T GIVE CRAP
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
Why so angry?!
DON'T KNOW WHY
Do you hate me?
NO, STILL YOU DIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
He's hungry for the brains in your head
You better check yourself before you wreck yourself
He's back from the dead!
STUMBLING, EYES ROLLED BACK, CLOTHES STAINED WITH BLOOD
I KILL AND KILL AND KILL AND KILL BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH
I'M THIRSTY FOR YOUR BLOOD
I'LL EVEN LICK YOUR WOUNDS
I'M ALREADY DEAD BUT I'M NOT FINISHED YET
SO I BUST OUT OF MY TOMB
I'M A ZOMBIE
AND I WILL FIND YOU
I'M A ZOMBIE
YOU CAN'T HIDE
I AM ZOMBIE
AND YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY
I'M ALREADY DEAD, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO DIE
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
YEAH
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
URGH
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13. |
Seven Drunken Nights
05:46
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Well, as I came home on Monday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse out in the yard where my old horse should be
So I called the wife and I says to her, "Will you kindly tell to me?
Who owns that horse out in the yard where my old horse should be?"
Oh ya drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool
So drunk you cannot see!
That's a lovely pig that my Mother sent to me
It's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But a pig with a saddle on, I never saw before...
As I came home on Tuesday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
So I called the wife and I says to her, "Will you kindly tell to me?
Who owns that coat beside the door where my old coat should be?"
Oh ya drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool
So drunk you cannot see!
That's a lovely blanket that my Mother sent to me
Well, many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But a blanket with some buttons on it, I never saw before...
As I came home on Wednesday night
I was as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be
So I called the wife and I says to her, "Will you kindly tell to me?
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be?"
Oh ya drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool
So drunk you cannot see!
That's a lovely tin whistle that my Mother sent to me
Many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle, I never saw before...
As I came home on Thursday night
I was as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beside the bed where my two boots should be
So I called the wife and I says to her, "Will you kindly tell to me?
Who owns those boots beside the bed where my two boots should be?"
Oh ya drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool
So drunk you cannot see!
Those are lovely geranium pots that my Mother sent to me!
Well, many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But laces on a geranium pot, I never saw before...
As I came home on Friday night
I was as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
So I called the wife and I says to her, "Will you kindly tell to me?
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be?
Oh ya drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool
So drunk you cannot see!
That's a baby boy that my Mother sent to me!
Well, many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with whiskers on, I never saw before...
Oh, it gets worse.
As I came home on Saturday night
I was as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon my wife's breasts where my two hands should be
So I called the wife and I says to her, "Will you kindly tell to me?
Who owns those hands upon your breasts where my two hands should be?"
Oh you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool
So drunk you cannot see!
That's a lovely nightgown that my Mother sent to me
Well, many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But a nightgown with fingernails on it, I never saw before...
It's Sunday night, I'm coming home
I'm as drunk as drunk could be
I open up my bedroom door and I can't even tell you what I see
So I says to the wife, I says to her, "You're very untrue to me
So I'm going back to the bar, farewell to thee!"
Now I'm drunk, I'm drunk, I'm a silly old fool
And now it's plain to see
Good friends, good beer, and my favorite stool
Is all I'll ever need
It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more
But me, unhappy, at the bar, I never saw before!
Let's go!
We're going!
I'm drunk!
I'm a silly old fool!
Raise 'em, and drink!
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14. |
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15. |
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16. |
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I've got my ninja sword
I'm gonna be a samurai
Someday you'll say, "He's so cool!"
Been practicing my slash
Now you'll give me all of your cash
Because I told you so
And when the day finally arrives
That I can say I'm a samurai
I'll also say, "I told you so"
I've got my ninja sword
I'm gonna be a samurai
Someday you'll say, "You killed my father"
Well BOO HOO
And when the day finally arrives
That I can say I'm a samurai
I'll also say, "I told you so"
And to all the enemy samurai warriors
I've got a little message for you
I'm gonna do what James Hetfield told me to do
Back in '82
Actually it might have been 1984 but I don't know
And I don't care
I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all
I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all
Cuz I want blood and guts and tendons in my teeth
I'm gonna turn their entrails into a holiday wreath
I'll be hackin' and slashin', I'll cut 'em into bits
I'm gonna kill them all until they die from it
Actually on second thought, I'm a pacifist
Don't wanna hurt nobody
So I'll just follow the sage advice of Lil Jon, here it is
"Don't start no shit, won't be no shit
Don't start no shit won't be no shit
Don't start no shit won't be no shit
Don't start no shit won't be no shit, yeah"
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17. |
I'm An Idiot (2018 mix)
01:25
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I saw you the other day
Running in the park
I pulled up to say Hi!
And heard a muffled bark
I'm sorry I ruined your jog
When I ran over your dog
And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!"
I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it
'Cause I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
I thought I'd try to make it up to you
I bought you a puppy, well... I found him at the zoo
But it was a dingo straight from the wild
And I guess it might have eaten your child
And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!"
I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it
'Cause I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
And now here I am at your door, and also at your mercy
And I've just got one thing to give to you and it's this apology note that I wrote
I'll read it to you right now, it says,
"Baby, I'm sorry, but I've got a good excuse"
I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
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Sam Mulligan
Sam Mulligan is a comedy+rock singer who specializes in sick guitar riffs and dope gameboy beats.
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