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Collection 2013​-​2022

by Sam Mulligan

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Compact Disc in an "eco-pack", which is a CD in a jacket and sleeve.

    This collection contains all of the original songs I've released since 2013. All the tracks from the "Big Hand Band Van Man" EP are mastered for the first time ever, and a few tracks on "Shark Party" have been revisited and touched up. This also contains the singles, "Zombie Cats", "Pizza Every Day", "Snowball Season", and "If We Were Kitties (acoustic)", which have only been available digitally until now.

    All songs written, performed, and recorded by Sam Mulligan and mastered by Grant Henry (Stemage)

    Includes unlimited streaming of Collection 2013-2022 via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 10 Sam Mulligan releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Collection 2013-2022, When The Night Comes (Soundtrack), Snowball Season (Deluxe Single), Zombie Cats (Deluxe Single), Pizza Every Day (Deluxe Single), If We Were Kitties (acoustic), Sam Mulligan And The Donut Slayers, Shark Party, and 2 more. , and , .

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1.
Fresh out of school, got nothing to do No solid plans, let's get crackin' Oh no my resume's lackin'! Idleness is so taxing, and time is rapidly passing Now I'm not so fresh out of school and I'm feeling like a damn fool So I'll get a real job! What do you mean there are no jobs? Then I'll just be a slob, is that okay with you, Ma? Not okay with me either, but what am I supposed to do? I'm getting older and I told you don't want to be a soldier! Well, I just don't think I'm cut out to be one of those guys Wearing camouflage pants and shooting guns all the time I'm better at catching fireflies than finding land-mines I just don't think I'm cut out to be one of those guys Maybe I'm not a real man, but I feel like a man I like girls, I drink beer, I've got big hands I just prefer driving vans and playing in bands So, that can't be it 'cause I'm a big hand band van man Yeah, that's what I am… My dad thinks I should get into computers I'm good with computers but I'm not sure if I'm good enough I don't got the magic touch, probably won't make no million bucks Maybe my dad is the one that should get into computers Maybe I'll just get a job at K-Mart Settle down and try to start Accruing some savings, commit to regular shavings Find a nice wife and try to have a nice life Oh, I hope I'm cut out to be one of those guys... One of THOSE guys!
2.
The Visitors 04:08
When the visitors come and they won't leave What can you do to get your point through? I see you thought my guitar was a towel drying rack… It's not. It's my guitar. You're using my toothbrush, you don't think I know Well, I know… and I'm making your breakfast When the visitors come and they won't leave What can you do to get your point through? I bought mint oreos, I loved them so Now, they're gone… Where did they go? Get out of my house, you're ruining my fun Did you know I've got guns? When the visitors come What can you do? When the visitors come and they won't leave What can you do to get your point through?
3.
I'm a traveling man, that's who I am It's my most accurate descriptor Life on the road is lonely and cold Sending sales reports back to my boss, Victor Someday I'll be free of this monotony I'm missing the Missus and the dog's always vicious He must not remember who I am… Someday I'll come home when I've paid off my loans Credit cards, house and the car I'll spend all my time with my wife, dog, and kids Finally find out who they are I'm a traveling man, that's who I am It's my most accurate descriptor Life on the road is lonely and cold Sending sales reports back to my boss, Victor This one goes out to you, Victor You are a dick and I hate your guts And I just want to say thanks for doing everything that you can to make sure that my life sucks. I'm a traveling man, whoa oh ohh, ya ya yaaa
4.
I wake up at noon And put on yesterday's pants Don't give me the time or any respect Just a judgmental glance And when they call on me You know I might not show up And in the off chance that I do I'll probably just throw up Sway and stumble, stumble and sway Mumbly mumble, what's that you say? Drinking my courage 'til I think I can dance But if I checked the footage I'd know that I can't What a wasted talent What a waste of talent yeah I think I might have missed my show But I don't really care Because my main concern right now is not falling down the stairs Sway and stumble, stumble and sway Mumbly mumble, what's that you say? You think this is easy? Maybe I'm dedicated? The jokes on you, I'm heavily medicated CHK DIS OUT Where's the encore? It's in the back of my van I'll sing it while choking and laying down 'Cause I'm too wasted to stand What a waste of talent What a wasted talent, yeah What a wasted talent What a wasted talent, yeaaaah
5.
Running around in the woods With my pack full of survival goods Not even sure if I should be out here looking for him at all In my home-made furry pants I do a little happy dance 'Cause I've got a chance to find out where he's hiding Are you in the trees? Could you be under this rock? I'm eternally looking for sasquatch I've invested a lot of time All on my own dime So could you give me a sign if you're out here? A-HA! Hey, look at this… Lean in close and take a sniff I think it's Sasquatch... WHAT?! NO WAY! That means we're hot on the trail! Are you in the trees? Could you be under this rock? I'm eternally looking for sasquatch The longest game of hide and seek That I've ever lost Wherever you may be, one thing's for sure You've got a pretty good hiding spot! In all my years looking for Sasquatch I never found A hair, footprint… nothing, man… But I'll tell you what I did find. A little part of myself. That's right. Introspective discovery. POW!
6.
Shark Party 02:42
The Great White's got a cool pad at the back of the reef The Tiger sharks have been asking me for some Grade A seaweed The Hammerhead skipped school, The Nurse shark called in sick The blue shark's acting sooo cool But he won't tell me where it is, oh no Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god I've been scuba diving 'round this reef for what seems an eternity My feelings will be really hurt if it turns out they just didn't invite me They're ignoring the seals, they're not eating the fishes This is all extremely suspicious Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god it's a shark party So I find the party, there's a couple Bull sharks bouncin' at the front and I'm like, "I gotta get in, what do you want me to do, beg?" and he said, "Naw, it's just gonna cost ya an arm and a leg." Oh nooo Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god it's a shark party Oh my god it's a shark party
7.
Time Warp 03:25
1984, we were on our way What I was looking for, well, I cannot say I'm not withholding, I just don't know But it doesn't matter 'cause we ended up in limbo Stuck in a time warp It's alright, have no fear It's kinda dark, the scenery is stark But I still got a good feeling we'll get out of here Now it's been a week, I'm thirsty and tired No wood, no matter, we can't ever start a fire in space Now it's cold, but we're not old 'Cause in the time warp mortals do not age Stuck in a time warp It's alright, have no fear It's really dark, we can't see any stars But I still got a good feeling we'll get out of here Must have been some type of miscommunication Send a mayday signal back to home station They can save us so don't give up hope See, look! They got back to us right away, home base, whatchoo got to say? J-446, this is home base. Thank you for your inquiry. I regret to inform you that the system has run through all possible scenarios and the best course of action is to abandon all hope and prepare for death. Thank you, and have a nice day. It's time to die So close your eyes Put your head Between your thighs And kiss them buns goodbye Stuck in a time warp Stuck in a time waaaaaaaaaaa Stuck in a time warp Write a goodbye note, the end is near I think by now we've all realized Everybody dies here HOO-UH!
8.
Donut Slayer 04:16
Traveling the lands far and wide The arctic North, the hot hot South In search of circular pastries To murder with my mouth Oh yes, I've taken lives Armed with naught but teeth and hands When donuts see me comin' They piss their donut pants I am a donut slayer Venture into my lair You will shudder when you discover One thousand souls of donut holes I am a donut slayer I catch the scent in the air Seconds pass, you will not find A single crumb left behind Boston cream, lemon-filled, honey-dipped glaze No donut is safe from my murderous gaze The ones I see are all for me And they'll have surely seen better days Straight into my gaping maw Never to be seen again By way of monstrous jaws All shall meet a violent end I am a donut slayer Venture into my lair You will shudder when you discover One thousand souls of donut holes I am a donut slayer I catch a scent in the air Seconds pass, you will not find A single crumb left behind I don't care if it's raised or cake I'll skip it's funeral and forget the wake Honor thy life, cherish thy death Make haste, lay waste to Dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens Eviscerating Masticating Time is wasting, no time for tasting I take a dozen and I cram 'em down my gullet Cuz you know I'm all business like the front of a mullet Jelly stains are all that remains Jelly stains are all that remains I am a donut slayer Venture into my lair You will shudder when you discover One thousand souls of donut holes I am a donut slayer I catch a scent in the air Seconds pass, you will not find A single crumb left behind
9.
Eel-Mart 00:27
Come on down to Eel-Mart All we got is eels! We got the best prices These eel deals are real steals! Slippery and slimy, try and tie 'em in a bow You can chill 'em, grill 'em, fry 'em up, enjoy 'em au naturalé! So come on down to Eel-Mart What else is there to say? Get your butt to Eel-Mart Don't ya dare delay! Grab some eels today! From Eel-Mart! Eel-Mart! Eel-Mart! Eel-Mart.
10.
Turkey, avocado Don't forget tomato It's a Terrace! Garlic mayo, cheddar cheese Some red onion, please! It's a Terrace! Flat to fluffy A generous portion of greens Is it better hot or cold? I don't know! Would you like that for here or to go? Gotta read the whole ticket so you don't screw it up Live in the present! Somethings not quite right... it's just a pile of stuff It's "As A Salad"! I'm sorry bread, I almost focaccia... Garlic mayo solo! It's a Terrace!
11.
12.
Secret 01:21
I've got a secret It's something you'd never expect to hear from me We've been friends such a long time But I've got a secret And I feel like it's time to let you know Just promise that you're not gonna hate me Whoa Are you gonna tell me what it is? That smell in your car That's been there for months That smell in your car It's you.
13.
I've got my ninja sword I'm gonna be a samurai Someday you'll say, "He's so cool!" Been practicing my slash Now you'll give me all of your cash Because I told you so And when the day finally arrives That I can say I'm a samurai I'll also say, "I told you so" I've got my ninja sword I'm gonna be a samurai Someday you'll say, "You killed my father" Well BOO HOO And when the day finally arrives That I can say I'm a samurai I'll also say, "I told you so" And to all the enemy samurai warriors I've got a little message for you I'm gonna do what James Hetfield told me to do Back in '82 Actually it might have been 1984 but I don't know And I don't care I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all Cuz I want blood and guts and tendons in my teeth I'm gonna turn their entrails into a holiday wreath I'll be hackin' and slashin', I'll cut 'em into bits I'm gonna kill them all until they die from it Actually on second thought, I'm a pacifist Don't wanna hurt nobody So I'll just follow the sage advice of Lil Jon, here it is "Don't start no shh, won't be no shh Don't start no shh won't be no shh Don't start no shh won't be no shh Don't start no shh won't be no shh, yeah"
14.
If we were little foxes Would you come over my den? If we were piggies Would you play with me in my pen? If we were anteaters I'd let you eat all of my ants If we were little old people I'd help you put on your pants And if we were racehorses I'd always let you win If we were kitties I'd give up one of my lives so you'd have ten If we were kitties I'd do that for you If we were kitties Yeah And if we were puppies and you got hurt I'd be there to lick your cuts If we were fireflies Our love would light up our butts If we were kitties I'd give up one of my lives so you'd have ten If we were kitties
15.
I'm An Idiot 01:26
I saw you the other day Running in the park I pulled up to say Hi! And heard a muffled bark I'm sorry I ruined your jog When I ran over your dog And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!" I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it 'Cause I'm an idiot I'm an idiot I thought I'd try to make it up to you I bought you a puppy, well... I found him at the zoo But it was a dingo straight from the wild And I guess it might have eaten your child And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!" I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it 'Cause I'm an idiot I'm an idiot And now here I am at your door, and also at your mercy And I've just got one thing to give to you and it's this apology note that I wrote I'll read it to you right now, it says, "Baby, I'm sorry, but I've got a good excuse" I'm an idiot I'm an idiot
16.
They said my story was cool, and they called me "Bro"! The sarcasm was lost on me though So I shrugged it off as just a harmless trololo BUT feels bad man, now I know that feel bro I'm not too good at guitar solos But what the heck, YOLO! *bad guitar solo* Nailed it! I'm sure by now you're wondering where the story will go I just wanna know, who was phone? Just tell me! Cool story bro! Cool story bro!
17.
I Am Zombie 01:54
Are you a lover? NO, I FIGHT Are you friendly? NO, I BITE I AM ZOMBIE ZOMBIE He's not that bad... I AM EVIL What are you doing?! EATING PEOPLE I'M A ZOMBIE ZOMBIE He's hungry for the brains in your head You better check yourself before you wreck yourself He's back from the dead! How'd you find me? I HAVE MAP My mom will miss me! I DON'T GIVE CRAP I AM ZOMBIE ZOMBIE Why so angry?! DON'T KNOW WHY Do you hate me? NO, STILL YOU DIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE He's hungry for the brains in your head You better check yourself before you wreck yourself He's back from the dead! STUMBLING, EYES ROLLED BACK, CLOTHES STAINED WITH BLOOD I KILL AND KILL AND KILL AND KILL BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH I'M THIRSTY FOR YOUR BLOOD I'LL EVEN LICK YOUR WOUNDS I'M ALREADY DEAD BUT I'M NOT FINISHED YET SO I BUST OUT OF MY TOMB I'M A ZOMBIE AND I WILL FIND YOU I'M A ZOMBIE YOU CAN'T HIDE I AM ZOMBIE AND YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY I'M ALREADY DEAD, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO DIE I AM ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE YEAH I AM ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE URGH
18.
This song is important Something I’ve been thinking about lately Been thinking a lot And I think it’s worth talking about Let me tell you What I could do If I really really wanted to Ain’t nobody stopping me 'Cause I’m an adult And I can eat pizza every day I can eat pizza every day Yeah I can eat pizza every day If I really want to Walking down the street Almost time to eat A rumble grumble in my tummy Quickness in my feet A scent swoops in Mm that smells nice Hit the pizzeria up 'Cause I’m lookin for a bite Grab a hot slice Then i jump on my bike I never met a pizza pie that i didn’t like Get the ‘chovies, pepperonis, load it up extra cheesy Don’t be stingy please-y It’s okay if it’s greasy Just load it up Cook it up, quick as can be I need some in my belly ASAP Big thanks go to the delivery folks Drivin' those pies up those slippery slopes Triangle shaped mansion on top of the hill Yellow paint brown trim pizza sauce window sills How bout that cheese? how ‘bout that sauce? Delicious and nutritious at a reasonable cost I can eat pizza every day I can eat pizza every day (yeah) I can eat pizza every day If I really want to You know I do I can eat pizza every day I can eat pizza every day Yeah I can eat pizza every day For the rest of my life We got the pied pizza piper Pushin' perfect pies prolifically Sauces sautéed Sausage so specifically Chock full of cheesy chunks Hawaiian ham hunks Damn Perfect pineapple pulchritudinous Great gallons of garlic butter Oh boy it’s beauteous Sliced in circles or squares I don't care Three to the sixty five days a year What have we here? A lengthy love letter for flatbread Or dank deep dish What’s better? Double trouble tag team I wish Couldn’t care less about my cholesterol Whipped cream pourin’ like water falls I can eat pizza every day I can eat pizza every day (yeah) I can eat pizza every dang day if I want Yeah I can pizza in the morning In the night, any time of the day that I want to I got that freedom 'cause I’m an adult I can eat pizza any time that I want Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Wow wow wow wow I can eat pizza every day I can eat pizza every day Yeah I can eat pizza every day If I want to Vegan, gluten free I don’t care Always keep a spare slice of pizza in my underwear Ziplocked Come on, I’m not gross You like pizza a lot I like it the most
19.
When I look around and see the snow on the ground I’m stricken with a strange affliction My hand is drawn down, to gather snow and make round As hard as I try, I can’t resist it I’m throwing snowballs all day Throwing snowballs every night I know it’s naughty but it feels so right Now’s a good time for a snowball fight Yeah I know the library Ain’t really the place But I nearly lost it when I knocked your glasses off your face I went to the hospital They said it’s bad for my health So I threw a snowball at the doctor And then I threw a snowball at myself I’m throwing snowballs all day I’m throwing snowballs all night You say I’m up to no good Well, I say you’re uptight Now’s a good time for a snowball fight My friends are fed up With being hit in the face with snow But their cheeks look so dang cute With a rosy red glow They make really good targets Because they’re stupid and slow That’s not MY fault, is it? Uh oh, oh no, here we go! Gameboy solo And when the snow melts Snowball season ends And I got no snow And I got no friends So I start counting down the days And try to get as many new friends as I can ‘Cause I know it’s only a matter of time until the summer’s end And when September’s over, well, next comes October And then I remember it’s almost November And soon it’ll be snowball season again And I’ll be Throwing snowballs all day Throwing snowballs all through the night You thought I learned my lesson... Well, guess what! You weren’t right! It’s almost time for the next snowball fight Bring on that beautiful snowball fight! I’ll kick your butt in a snowball fight!
20.
Zombie Cats 02:50
Doctors on the news Say if they stink and ooze Don’t touch those cats but their point is moot Cuz I can’t stay away I’ll pat them every day It’s impossible to resist the cute Zombie cats Whatchya gonna do? Here they come Running after you They’re undead But oh so cute When the Zombie Cats come - yer totally screwed They wanna take naps And they want pats Is that asking too much? I don’t think so, dude Zombie cat on my lap If you want some snacks I’ll buy you a bunch of brain flavored cat food Zombie cats Whatchya gonna do? Here they come Running after you They’re undead But oh so cute When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed Are they evil? Could there be a cure? Could ya shoot one in the head? No way, never! Do they eat people? I’m not sure but I know they’ll be meowing At my door forever Zombie cats Whatchya gonna do? Here they come Running after you They’re undead But oh so cute When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed All up in your space Waking you up late at night Chewing on your face Purring the whole time Now they wanna come inside Now they wanna go outside Surprise, they changed their mind Now they wanna come back inside They wanna go outside inside outside in outside inside outside in This tale is equal parts cute, strange, scary and It all started in the lab of a mad veterinarian Who's faithful feline companion Pawed a vial of experimental bioweapon off the shelf Which then shattered, was quickly lapped up And proved detrimental to it's health The kitty transformed into an adorable monstrosity I'm sorry I couldn't save you from your curiosity Zombie cats Whatchya gonna do? Here they come Running after you They’re undead But oh so cute When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed
21.
If we were little foxes would you come over my den? If we were piggies would you play with me in my pen? And if we were anteaters I’d let you eat all of my ants If we were old people I’d help you put on your pants And if we were racehorses I’d always let you win And if we were kitties I’d give up one of my lives so you’d have ten If we were kitties I’d do that for you If we were kitties Yeah And if we were puppies and you got hurt I’d be there to lick your cuts And if we were fireflies our love would light up our butts If we were kitties Yeah yeah yea If we were kitties Yeah Meow
22.

about

It doesn't feel like it's been 10 years since I put out my first EP, but...

This album is all the original songs I released between 2013 and 2022. In anticipation for the 10th year anniversary of my first EP with gameboys, Big Hand Band Van Man, I revisited the project files, spruced them up a bit, and had my pal Stemage master them. They sound better than ever! Feeling inspired, I did the same thing to a couple songs from Shark Party (I'm An Idiot & Ninja Song Part II), and included all the original singles I released in 2020-2022 all in one spot, and on one compact disc. It's been nice to revisit these older songs, and get psyched for what's coming next! Thanks for being a part of it <3

credits

released February 6, 2023

All songs written by Sam Mulligan
"The Visitors" features back-up vocals by Dave Richardson (daverichardsonfolk.com)
"Wasted Talent" co-written & solo by Rob Lynch

Mastered by Stemage (Grant Henry, www.stemagemusic.com)

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Sam Mulligan

Sam Mulligan is a comedy+rock singer who specializes in sick guitar riffs and dope gameboy beats.

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