Get all 10 Sam Mulligan releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Collection 2013-2022, When The Night Comes (Soundtrack), Snowball Season (Deluxe Single), Zombie Cats (Deluxe Single), Pizza Every Day (Deluxe Single), If We Were Kitties (acoustic), Sam Mulligan And The Donut Slayers, Shark Party, and 2 more.
1. |
One Of Those Guys
03:14
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Fresh out of school, got nothing to do
No solid plans, let's get crackin'
Oh no my resume's lackin'!
Idleness is so taxing, and time is rapidly passing
Now I'm not so fresh out of school and I'm feeling like a damn fool
So I'll get a real job!
What do you mean there are no jobs?
Then I'll just be a slob, is that okay with you, Ma?
Not okay with me either, but what am I supposed to do?
I'm getting older and I told you don't want to be a soldier!
Well, I just don't think I'm cut out to be one of those guys
Wearing camouflage pants and shooting guns all the time
I'm better at catching fireflies than finding land-mines
I just don't think I'm cut out to be one of those guys
Maybe I'm not a real man, but I feel like a man
I like girls, I drink beer, I've got big hands
I just prefer driving vans and playing in bands
So, that can't be it 'cause I'm a big hand band van man
Yeah, that's what I am…
My dad thinks I should get into computers
I'm good with computers but I'm not sure if I'm good enough
I don't got the magic touch, probably won't make no million bucks
Maybe my dad is the one that should get into computers
Maybe I'll just get a job at K-Mart
Settle down and try to start
Accruing some savings, commit to regular shavings
Find a nice wife and try to have a nice life
Oh, I hope I'm cut out to be one of those guys...
One of THOSE guys!
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2. |
The Visitors
04:08
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When the visitors come and they won't leave
What can you do to get your point through?
I see you thought my guitar was a towel drying rack…
It's not.
It's my guitar.
You're using my toothbrush, you don't think I know
Well, I know… and I'm making your breakfast
When the visitors come and they won't leave
What can you do to get your point through?
I bought mint oreos, I loved them so
Now, they're gone… Where did they go?
Get out of my house, you're ruining my fun
Did you know I've got guns?
When the visitors come
What can you do?
When the visitors come and they won't leave
What can you do to get your point through?
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3. |
Traveling Man
02:45
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I'm a traveling man, that's who I am
It's my most accurate descriptor
Life on the road is lonely and cold
Sending sales reports back to my boss, Victor
Someday I'll be free of this monotony
I'm missing the Missus and the dog's always vicious
He must not remember who I am…
Someday I'll come home when I've paid off my loans
Credit cards, house and the car
I'll spend all my time with my wife, dog, and kids
Finally find out who they are
I'm a traveling man, that's who I am
It's my most accurate descriptor
Life on the road is lonely and cold
Sending sales reports back to my boss, Victor
This one goes out to you, Victor
You are a dick and I hate your guts
And I just want to say thanks for doing everything that you can
to make sure that my life sucks.
I'm a traveling man, whoa oh ohh, ya ya yaaa
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4. |
Wasted Talent
03:41
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I wake up at noon
And put on yesterday's pants
Don't give me the time or any respect
Just a judgmental glance
And when they call on me
You know I might not show up
And in the off chance that I do
I'll probably just throw up
Sway and stumble, stumble and sway
Mumbly mumble, what's that you say?
Drinking my courage 'til I think I can dance
But if I checked the footage I'd know that I can't
What a wasted talent
What a waste of talent yeah
I think I might have missed my show
But I don't really care
Because my main concern right now is not falling down the stairs
Sway and stumble, stumble and sway
Mumbly mumble, what's that you say?
You think this is easy? Maybe I'm dedicated?
The jokes on you, I'm heavily medicated
CHK DIS OUT
Where's the encore?
It's in the back of my van
I'll sing it while choking and laying down
'Cause I'm too wasted to stand
What a waste of talent
What a wasted talent, yeah
What a wasted talent
What a wasted talent, yeaaaah
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5. |
Looking For Sasquatch
03:41
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Running around in the woods
With my pack full of survival goods
Not even sure if I should be out here looking for him at all
In my home-made furry pants
I do a little happy dance
'Cause I've got a chance to find out where he's hiding
Are you in the trees?
Could you be under this rock?
I'm eternally looking for sasquatch
I've invested a lot of time
All on my own dime
So could you give me a sign if you're out here?
A-HA! Hey, look at this…
Lean in close and take a sniff
I think it's Sasquatch... WHAT?! NO WAY!
That means we're hot on the trail!
Are you in the trees?
Could you be under this rock?
I'm eternally looking for sasquatch
The longest game of hide and seek
That I've ever lost
Wherever you may be, one thing's for sure
You've got a pretty good hiding spot!
In all my years looking for Sasquatch I never found
A hair, footprint… nothing, man…
But I'll tell you what I did find.
A little part of myself.
That's right. Introspective discovery.
POW!
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6. |
Shark Party
02:42
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The Great White's got a cool pad at the back of the reef
The Tiger sharks have been asking me for some Grade A seaweed
The Hammerhead skipped school,
The Nurse shark called in sick
The blue shark's acting sooo cool
But he won't tell me where it is, oh no
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god
I've been scuba diving 'round this reef for what seems an eternity
My feelings will be really hurt if it turns out they just didn't invite me
They're ignoring the seals, they're not eating the fishes
This is all extremely suspicious
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
So I find the party, there's a couple Bull sharks bouncin' at the front
and I'm like, "I gotta get in, what do you want me to do, beg?"
and he said, "Naw, it's just gonna cost ya an arm and a leg."
Oh nooo
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
Oh my god it's a shark party
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7. |
Time Warp
03:25
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1984, we were on our way
What I was looking for, well, I cannot say
I'm not withholding, I just don't know
But it doesn't matter 'cause we ended up in limbo
Stuck in a time warp
It's alright, have no fear
It's kinda dark, the scenery is stark
But I still got a good feeling we'll get out of here
Now it's been a week, I'm thirsty and tired
No wood, no matter, we can't ever start a fire in space
Now it's cold, but we're not old
'Cause in the time warp mortals do not age
Stuck in a time warp
It's alright, have no fear
It's really dark, we can't see any stars
But I still got a good feeling we'll get out of here
Must have been some type of miscommunication
Send a mayday signal back to home station
They can save us so don't give up hope
See, look! They got back to us right away, home base, whatchoo got to say?
J-446, this is home base. Thank you for your inquiry.
I regret to inform you that the system has run through all possible scenarios and the best course of action is to abandon all hope and prepare for death. Thank you, and have a nice day.
It's time to die
So close your eyes
Put your head
Between your thighs
And kiss them buns goodbye
Stuck in a time warp
Stuck in a time waaaaaaaaaaa
Stuck in a time warp
Write a goodbye note, the end is near
I think by now we've all realized
Everybody dies here
HOO-UH!
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8. |
Donut Slayer
04:16
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Traveling the lands far and wide
The arctic North, the hot hot South
In search of circular pastries
To murder with my mouth
Oh yes, I've taken lives
Armed with naught but teeth and hands
When donuts see me comin'
They piss their donut pants
I am a donut slayer
Venture into my lair
You will shudder when you discover
One thousand souls of donut holes
I am a donut slayer
I catch the scent in the air
Seconds pass, you will not find
A single crumb left behind
Boston cream, lemon-filled, honey-dipped glaze
No donut is safe from my murderous gaze
The ones I see are all for me
And they'll have surely seen better days
Straight into my gaping maw
Never to be seen again
By way of monstrous jaws
All shall meet a violent end
I am a donut slayer
Venture into my lair
You will shudder when you discover
One thousand souls of donut holes
I am a donut slayer
I catch a scent in the air
Seconds pass, you will not find
A single crumb left behind
I don't care if it's raised or cake
I'll skip it's funeral and forget the wake
Honor thy life, cherish thy death
Make haste, lay waste to
Dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens
Eviscerating
Masticating
Time is wasting, no time for tasting
I take a dozen and I cram 'em down my gullet
Cuz you know I'm all business like the front of a mullet
Jelly stains are all that remains
Jelly stains are all that remains
I am a donut slayer
Venture into my lair
You will shudder when you discover
One thousand souls of donut holes
I am a donut slayer
I catch a scent in the air
Seconds pass, you will not find
A single crumb left behind
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9. |
Eel-Mart
00:27
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Come on down to Eel-Mart
All we got is eels!
We got the best prices
These eel deals are real steals!
Slippery and slimy, try and tie 'em in a bow
You can chill 'em, grill 'em, fry 'em up, enjoy 'em au naturalé!
So come on down to Eel-Mart
What else is there to say?
Get your butt to Eel-Mart
Don't ya dare delay!
Grab some eels today!
From Eel-Mart!
Eel-Mart!
Eel-Mart!
Eel-Mart.
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10. |
It's A Terrace
00:53
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Turkey, avocado
Don't forget tomato
It's a Terrace!
Garlic mayo, cheddar cheese
Some red onion, please!
It's a Terrace!
Flat to fluffy
A generous portion of greens
Is it better hot or cold?
I don't know!
Would you like that for here or to go?
Gotta read the whole ticket so you don't screw it up
Live in the present!
Somethings not quite right... it's just a pile of stuff
It's "As A Salad"!
I'm sorry bread, I almost focaccia...
Garlic mayo solo!
It's a Terrace!
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11. |
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12. |
Secret
01:21
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I've got a secret
It's something you'd never expect
to hear from me
We've been friends such a long time
But I've got a secret
And I feel like it's time to let you know
Just promise that you're not gonna hate me
Whoa
Are you gonna tell me what it is?
That smell in your car
That's been there for months
That smell in your car
It's you.
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13. |
Ninja Song Part II
03:39
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I've got my ninja sword
I'm gonna be a samurai
Someday you'll say, "He's so cool!"
Been practicing my slash
Now you'll give me all of your cash
Because I told you so
And when the day finally arrives
That I can say I'm a samurai
I'll also say, "I told you so"
I've got my ninja sword
I'm gonna be a samurai
Someday you'll say, "You killed my father"
Well BOO HOO
And when the day finally arrives
That I can say I'm a samurai
I'll also say, "I told you so"
And to all the enemy samurai warriors
I've got a little message for you
I'm gonna do what James Hetfield told me to do
Back in '82
Actually it might have been 1984 but I don't know
And I don't care
I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all
I'm gonna kill 'em all, I said I'm gonna kill 'em all
Cuz I want blood and guts and tendons in my teeth
I'm gonna turn their entrails into a holiday wreath
I'll be hackin' and slashin', I'll cut 'em into bits
I'm gonna kill them all until they die from it
Actually on second thought, I'm a pacifist
Don't wanna hurt nobody
So I'll just follow the sage advice of Lil Jon, here it is
"Don't start no shh, won't be no shh
Don't start no shh won't be no shh
Don't start no shh won't be no shh
Don't start no shh won't be no shh, yeah"
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14. |
If We Were Kitties
03:25
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If we were little foxes
Would you come over my den?
If we were piggies
Would you play with me in my pen?
If we were anteaters
I'd let you eat all of my ants
If we were little old people
I'd help you put on your pants
And if we were racehorses
I'd always let you win
If we were kitties
I'd give up one of my lives so you'd have ten
If we were kitties
I'd do that for you
If we were kitties
Yeah
And if we were puppies and you got hurt
I'd be there to lick your cuts
If we were fireflies
Our love would light up our butts
If we were kitties
I'd give up one of my lives so you'd have ten
If we were kitties
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15. |
I'm An Idiot
01:26
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I saw you the other day
Running in the park
I pulled up to say Hi!
And heard a muffled bark
I'm sorry I ruined your jog
When I ran over your dog
And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!"
I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it
'Cause I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
I thought I'd try to make it up to you
I bought you a puppy, well... I found him at the zoo
But it was a dingo straight from the wild
And I guess it might have eaten your child
And all I had to say at the time was, "Oh shit!"
I know I should have said I'm sorry, but I just didn't think of it
'Cause I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
And now here I am at your door, and also at your mercy
And I've just got one thing to give to you and it's this apology note that I wrote
I'll read it to you right now, it says,
"Baby, I'm sorry, but I've got a good excuse"
I'm an idiot
I'm an idiot
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16. |
The Coolest Story Bro
01:35
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They said my story was cool, and they called me "Bro"!
The sarcasm was lost on me though
So I shrugged it off as just a harmless trololo
BUT feels bad man, now I know that feel bro
I'm not too good at guitar solos
But what the heck, YOLO!
*bad guitar solo*
Nailed it!
I'm sure by now you're wondering where the story will go
I just wanna know, who was phone?
Just tell me!
Cool story bro!
Cool story bro!
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17. |
I Am Zombie
01:54
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Are you a lover?
NO, I FIGHT
Are you friendly?
NO, I BITE
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
He's not that bad...
I AM EVIL
What are you doing?!
EATING PEOPLE
I'M A ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
He's hungry for the brains in your head
You better check yourself before you wreck yourself
He's back from the dead!
How'd you find me?
I HAVE MAP
My mom will miss me!
I DON'T GIVE CRAP
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
Why so angry?!
DON'T KNOW WHY
Do you hate me?
NO, STILL YOU DIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
He's hungry for the brains in your head
You better check yourself before you wreck yourself
He's back from the dead!
STUMBLING, EYES ROLLED BACK, CLOTHES STAINED WITH BLOOD
I KILL AND KILL AND KILL AND KILL BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH
I'M THIRSTY FOR YOUR BLOOD
I'LL EVEN LICK YOUR WOUNDS
I'M ALREADY DEAD BUT I'M NOT FINISHED YET
SO I BUST OUT OF MY TOMB
I'M A ZOMBIE
AND I WILL FIND YOU
I'M A ZOMBIE
YOU CAN'T HIDE
I AM ZOMBIE
AND YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY
I'M ALREADY DEAD, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO DIE
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
YEAH
I AM ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
URGH
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18. |
Pizza Every Day
04:09
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This song is important
Something I’ve been thinking about lately
Been thinking a lot
And I think it’s worth talking about
Let me tell you
What I could do
If I really really wanted to
Ain’t nobody stopping me
'Cause I’m an adult
And I can eat pizza every day
I can eat pizza every day
Yeah
I can eat pizza every day
If I really want to
Walking down the street
Almost time to eat
A rumble grumble in my tummy
Quickness in my feet
A scent swoops in
Mm that smells nice
Hit the pizzeria up
'Cause I’m lookin for a bite
Grab a hot slice
Then i jump on my bike
I never met a pizza pie that i didn’t like
Get the ‘chovies, pepperonis, load it up extra cheesy
Don’t be stingy please-y
It’s okay if it’s greasy
Just load it up
Cook it up, quick as can be
I need some in my belly ASAP
Big thanks go to the delivery folks
Drivin' those pies up those slippery slopes
Triangle shaped mansion on top of the hill
Yellow paint brown trim pizza sauce window sills
How bout that cheese? how ‘bout that sauce?
Delicious and nutritious at a reasonable cost
I can eat pizza every day
I can eat pizza every day (yeah)
I can eat pizza every day
If I really want to
You know I do
I can eat pizza every day
I can eat pizza every day
Yeah
I can eat pizza every day
For the rest of my life
We got the pied pizza piper
Pushin' perfect pies prolifically
Sauces sautéed
Sausage so specifically
Chock full of cheesy chunks
Hawaiian ham hunks
Damn
Perfect pineapple pulchritudinous
Great gallons of garlic butter
Oh boy it’s beauteous
Sliced in circles or squares
I don't care
Three to the sixty five days a year
What have we here?
A lengthy love letter for flatbread
Or dank deep dish
What’s better?
Double trouble tag team I wish
Couldn’t care less about my cholesterol
Whipped cream pourin’ like water falls
I can eat pizza every day
I can eat pizza every day (yeah)
I can eat pizza every dang day if I want
Yeah I can pizza in the morning
In the night, any time of the day that I want to
I got that freedom 'cause I’m an adult
I can eat pizza any time that I want
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Wow wow wow wow
I can eat pizza every day
I can eat pizza every day
Yeah
I can eat pizza every day
If I want to
Vegan, gluten free
I don’t care
Always keep a spare slice of pizza in my underwear
Ziplocked
Come on, I’m not gross
You like pizza a lot
I like it the most
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19. |
Snowball Season
04:04
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When I look around and see the snow on the ground
I’m stricken with a strange affliction
My hand is drawn down, to gather snow and make round
As hard as I try, I can’t resist it
I’m throwing snowballs all day
Throwing snowballs every night
I know it’s naughty but it feels so right
Now’s a good time for a snowball fight
Yeah I know the library
Ain’t really the place
But I nearly lost it when I knocked your glasses
off your face
I went to the hospital
They said it’s bad for my health
So I threw a snowball at the doctor
And then I threw a snowball at myself
I’m throwing snowballs all day
I’m throwing snowballs all night
You say I’m up to no good
Well, I say you’re uptight
Now’s a good time for a snowball fight
My friends are fed up
With being hit in the face with snow
But their cheeks look so dang cute
With a rosy red glow
They make really good targets
Because they’re stupid and slow
That’s not MY fault, is it?
Uh oh, oh no, here we go!
Gameboy solo
And when the snow melts
Snowball season ends
And I got no snow
And I got no friends
So I start counting down the days
And try to get as many new friends as I can
‘Cause I know it’s only a matter of time until the summer’s end
And when September’s over, well, next comes October
And then I remember it’s almost November
And soon it’ll be snowball season again
And I’ll be
Throwing snowballs all day
Throwing snowballs all through the night
You thought I learned my lesson...
Well, guess what! You weren’t right!
It’s almost time for the next snowball fight
Bring on that beautiful snowball fight!
I’ll kick your butt in a snowball fight!
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20. |
Zombie Cats
02:50
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Doctors on the news
Say if they stink and ooze
Don’t touch those cats but their point is moot
Cuz I can’t stay away
I’ll pat them every day
It’s impossible to resist the cute
Zombie cats
Whatchya gonna do?
Here they come
Running after you
They’re undead
But oh so cute
When the Zombie Cats come - yer totally screwed
They wanna take naps
And they want pats
Is that asking too much? I don’t think so, dude
Zombie cat on my lap
If you want some snacks
I’ll buy you a bunch of brain flavored cat food
Zombie cats
Whatchya gonna do?
Here they come
Running after you
They’re undead
But oh so cute
When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed
Are they evil?
Could there be a cure?
Could ya shoot one in the head?
No way, never!
Do they eat people?
I’m not sure but
I know they’ll be meowing
At my door forever
Zombie cats
Whatchya gonna do?
Here they come
Running after you
They’re undead
But oh so cute
When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed
All up in your space
Waking you up late at night
Chewing on your face
Purring the whole time
Now they wanna come inside
Now they wanna go outside
Surprise, they changed their mind
Now they wanna come back inside
They wanna go
outside inside outside in
outside inside outside in
This tale is equal parts cute, strange, scary and
It all started in the lab of a mad veterinarian
Who's faithful feline companion
Pawed a vial of experimental bioweapon off the shelf
Which then shattered, was quickly lapped up
And proved detrimental to it's health
The kitty transformed into an adorable monstrosity
I'm sorry I couldn't save you from your curiosity
Zombie cats
Whatchya gonna do?
Here they come
Running after you
They’re undead
But oh so cute
When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed
When the Zombie Cats come - we’re totally screwed
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21. |
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If we were little foxes
would you come over my den?
If we were piggies
would you play with me in my pen?
And if we were anteaters
I’d let you eat all of my ants
If we were old people
I’d help you put on your pants
And if we were racehorses
I’d always let you win
And if we were kitties
I’d give up one of my lives so you’d have ten
If we were kitties
I’d do that for you
If we were kitties
Yeah
And if we were puppies and you got hurt
I’d be there to lick your cuts
And if we were fireflies
our love would light up our butts
If we were kitties
Yeah yeah yea
If we were kitties
Yeah
Meow
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22. |
Thank You For Listening
00:36
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Sam Mulligan
Sam Mulligan is a comedy+rock singer who specializes in sick guitar riffs and dope gameboy beats.
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